blue bear

For any parents out there that has a kid that had a stuffed animal that they loved a lot that ended up needing to be replaced: did they have a hard time adjusting to the new one? Henry has gotten hooked on this blue bear, and we preemptively bought a spare to put in the closet, but I'm wondering if we should once in a while switch the bears, so they both wear down at the same rate. I don't know if there would be a problem if his current bear got ragged, and then got lost, only to be replaced with a brand new one. Do kids even notice that kind of thing? This is the first time Henry has really gotten hooked on a certain toy. 

My other (probably silly) concern is switching the bears back and forth, I kind of feel like I'm, I dunno, tricking my kid or something. He would think that it was the same bear, and have memories attached to it, but it would actually be two different bears. So in 20 years or whatever, if he still has one of the bears, he will have memories attached to the bear that he has in 20 years, but not all the memories will be attached to that bear. Maybe that is silly, I dunno. I guess the only thing that matters is the memories Henry has, not so much the object itself. But at the same time, I'm 28 now, and I still miss my little stuffed bear sometimes, even though I haven't seen it in at least 10 years. Good ol' Judgar.

research

Sitting here on the couch. Ian is asleep on me. The wife has taken Henry off to bed. I'm trying to do genealogy research, starting from pretty much nowhere. I don't know why, but I feel like it's my duty to be able to provide some modicum of information about my family to my kids. Does the information even matter? Will it change anything for them? People I'm related to by blood but I've never met. Dead or dying. Not knowing my kids exist. Not knowing I exist.

I want to be a good father.

Outdoors

I was reading The Art of Manliness by Brett and Kate McKay and upon reading both the chapter about being a father, and the chapter on the great outdoors, I was reminded of how much I can't wait to take my son camping for the first time, just father and son. I think it's a real bonding experience that sadly many kids (and fathers for that matter) do not get to experience. Something about being out alone in the wilderness, showing your kid how to start a campfire, sleeping under the stars...it's something so pure. I find it difficult to get it into words. I look forward to the day that Henry and I can get out there and pitch a tent and just spend some time together, experiencing new things, away from it all. There is something to be said for just spending time out in nature, away from the television and the internet and everything else. Who doesn't want to get away for a weekend? And what better way to get away? I don't think I'll be able to take him this summer with the new baby and all, but I hope we can at least pitch a tent in the back yard and hang out around the fire pit.

 As a side note, people talk about apple pie, but to me the real quintessential American desert is the s'more. Parents and kids, sitting around the campfire that they built, roasting marshmallows, squeezing them between slabs of graham cracker and chocolate, just spending time together as a family--what could be better than that?

Potty training

Henry has been really interested in potty training the past few days, so we've been working on it. Now however when it's time to take his nap or go to sleep, he keeps acting like he has to pee, so we get him out of bed, he goes about two drops, and then back to bed, only to do the whole thing again later. He knows he doesn't really have to go, I know he doesn't really have to go, he just doesn't want to be in bed. But it's not like we can just tell him no, he can't go. That would undo all the rest of the time that we tell him to tell us when he has to go. Basically our son is a secret evil genius.

Music

Apparently Henry's favorite thing lately seems to be music. Well, that and stuffed animals and chocolate...anyway, today we were messing around with my instruments that I have set up down in the basement, and he was just having a blast. His favorite is of course the drums (what toddler doesn't love banging on things?) but he is also quite a fan of singing into the microphone, although he wouldn't sing unless I played guitar at the same time. Maybe that family band I joked about starting will actually happen some day. Toddler rock 'n' roll is the best rock 'n' roll.

Putting things together

After blowing pretty much our entire tax refund at Ikea I have been slowly trying to put together the pieces, and luckily things have been going pretty well. My biggest concern had been what do I do with my son while the wife is away and I am trying to put things together with all sorts of small screws and bits and pieces, but luckily the son has gotten old enough to be able to "help" me (mostly handing me things when I ask for them) which has made things much easier. We put his "big boy bed" together (as well as refurnishing the rest of his room and moving the baby stuff into the nursery for #2) and he has been quite helpful. Even with him helping me put who knows how many things together, not a single screw has been lost. I love that he is so interested in helping me out. Being a dad is the best thing ever.

Lucky

I took my son to the Zoo yesterday. We went and saw the dolphin show, and saw the fish, and the monkey house, and the penguins, and all sorts of stuff. As we were sitting down to lunch before heading back home, I couldn't help but think about how lucky I am to be able to spend so much time with him. It's amazing the things he can do already, and he's only two years old. I really don't know what else to say other than I love him more than anything. I feel terrible that I'm the one staying home with him while my wife has to go to work. I know it is what works for our family right now, staying home with him during the day and working toward getting my degree at night so I don't end up stuck in some dead end job for the rest of my life, but I still feel terrible that she doesn't get to spend as much time with our son as I do. She's already the best mother any kid could ask for (and best wife any guy could) which makes me feel even worse.
On the other hand though, at least our son is at home with one of us for the time being. When I see him smile or hear him laugh or when he gives me a hug...being a dad is the best thing in the world.

pressure

I often wonder if, even now, I am pressuring my son into my own interests. I am a huge space and science nerd (and had the standard little boy dream of being an astronaut before reality came by with it's "normal expectations") and the wife and I (emphasis on the latter) are already doing the whole space thing with him. Room painted a deep sky blue color, decals of rockets and stars and planets everywhere, rockets on his clothes, books about space, etc. Is it too early to be putting all this space stuff on him? I mean it's not like we force him into things, and at this age it's not like he really has any other interests other than Caillou and cookies and Elmo and trains and trucks and playdoh and painting and reading and...ok, he has a lot of interests apparently, but it's not like he doesn't seem to like the space stuff or anything. I don't know, maybe I'm being ridiculous for being concerned over such a thing, especially at two years old. If he's not into space stuff or whatever else I'm in to (cooking, being awesome). Even still, do I cut back on focusing on this one interest and instead open him up to a lot more stuff? I think I do a pretty good job about exposing him to other things as well, but is that really the case? And will I feel disappointed if when he is older he DOESN'T have the same interest in space or whatever that I do? I like to think that I won't, but again, who knows. I guess being aware of situations like this is better than just assuming that he'll love what I love, right? I just don't know what I'm going to do if he decides to be into sports because I have no idea how most sports are played/scored/etc. Of course if he does get into sports, I will do whatever it takes to nurture that, including figuring out how many goals are in a bases loaded touchdown freethrow and whatever else happens in sports.

names

I was thinking the other day about the various nicknames that the wife and I have for our son. With another kid on the way (a daughter, at least as far as we have been able to tell -- she hasn't been very cooperative) I was thinking about what I would call her, other than her name, I mean. I realized that the whole nickname thing really just comes out on it's own, doesn't it? Even now when talking about the coming baby, we use nicknames that kind of just formed (the term "bun in the oven" led us to calling the baby "bun", then after finding out it is (most likely) a girl, it morphed into "bunella", for example). Same with our son. We have a couple of "established" nicknames that we use pretty regularly, and I can pretty much trace them back to their beginnings. It's not like we just sat down one day and decided to call our son by a specific nickname, so why am I finding myself focusing on trying to come up with a nickname for #2 already? I can only assume it's because as the dad-to-be, I feel like I'm pretty much doing nothing while the wife does everything (namely the whole baby-growing thing, but other things as well). Maybe I am trying to trick myself into thinking that if I come up with a nickname or whatever then I've "done my part", as completely stupid as that sounds. Not that I'm not doing other things of course (getting things ready for the baby, etc) but when compared to what the wife is doing, it makes me feel like nothing I have done, or really could do, could compare. So long story short, thanks for doing all that baby making stuff, wife.

Age

It's hard to believe that my son is already going to be two years old. Where does the time go, really? I'm 28 right now. I've known him for 1/14th of my life already. And that fraction is going to keep growing. Next year I'll have known him for 10.3% of my life. How is that even possible?

People said from the get go that time will go by faster than you realize. I see they were right.

Oh well. As much as I will miss being able to hold him all the time and being able to actually have him sit still for a minute, I still find myself thinking sometimes that a part of me can't wait until he's even older. I can't wait to be able to sit down with him and have a conversation about things he likes, his hopes, his dreams. How amazing will it be to see the baby I knew grow into a man?

Hi

I have been a stay at home dad for getting close to two years now (will be two years in June of 2012) and it has been a very interesting/awesome experience. I have been able to watch my son grow, have been able to spend an amazing amount of time with him, and hopefully have kept him happy. I've tried to keep the house in an acceptable state for the wife, but with a toddler running around knocking down everything I pick up, it's been a bit of a challenge. I love it though. With baby number two on the way soon, I figure now is as good a time as any to start writing down some stuff. What stuff? Who knows. Another in the long line of parenting blogs out there, I guess.